Speaking with “Mommy Bloggers,” Kim Tracy Prince, Lisa Arch and Lisa Rosenberg, our conversation deals with using the web as a sounding board for parenthood and it’s broad spectrum of approaches.
From the tender to the naughty, our panel deals with the tricky issues of new-mom isolation, disciplining your child, and how to share the experiences of parenthood without losing a grip on our personal relationships. It’s a worthy conversation to have for all parents in the information age.
Kim Tracy Prince is a former TV producer specializing in reality, clip shows, and interviews. Now the Features Editor for the “Best of LA” section at CBS Local Los Angeles, she manages contributions from over 25 writers. At home she manages a husband and two little boys. Kim records the madness of it all for posterity on her blog, House of Prince, which is the hub of all of her online writing and social media activity. Kim is also the founder of Help a Mother Out, a grassroots effort to get diapers into the hands of any family that needs them.
Lisa Arch of Flawlessmom.com has been writing and performing since age 11, and has appeared on Mad TV, Hannah Montana, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, and in the films Legally Blonde and Windy City Heat. She has hosted among others, Style Network’s Clean House.
Lisa Rosenberg worked for 16 years in the television business as a comedy writer, director, and producer. She is currently the stay-at-home mom of a pre-schooler named Bob. Lisa has been blogging for close to three years. Her family humor blog is called Smacksy.
00:07 The Intentional Parent Show intro
01:04 Introducing our panel
02:51 Raising boys and the tricky issue of having boobs.
05:20 Fighting isolation through blogging and finding your “tribe.”
07:51 The line between private and public material and connecting with people.
10:08 Developing a sense of community through blogs.
11:29 Other benefits of the blogging community.
13:09 The urge to compare yourself to other parents.
15:35 Sharing the journey of parenting.
17:00 Expanding the blog to beyond just the kids.
18:30 Writing under the microscope from your family and community.
21:45 The panel opines on a babysitting predicament.
23:45 The difference between secrets and surprises–teaching kids to follow their gut.
28:50 The spanking debate on blogs and twitter.
31:52 Losing composure with the kids.
32:55 Backlash and criticism from the blog.
33:53 Alternative discipline while raising strong kids.
37:00 Parenting blog debates and wars.
40:21 When kids get concerned for parents.
42:35 Trying different parenting styles and finding your own.
46:06 Admitting boredom while still feeling fulfilled.
48:52 Feeling exhausted and remaining available.
50:05 Where to read our mom bloggers.
51:37 Signing off
when I first had a baby i lived in Uvalde Texas a small town with about 12,000 people and I was completely isolated today I have three funny mom bloggers in the studio with me today we're going to talk about finding our tribes connecting with other parents and we're also going to talk about some funny sticky parenting situations and what they think about them thanks for joining us so today we've got some mom's some bloggers and we just were talking a few minutes ago and realized all of us have boys so we may talk about some boy energy and how we cope with that as well I'm so excited to have our guests here today I want to introduce them so let's start with Kim Kim Tracey Prince is the mom of two boys a professional blogger her blog is called house of prints and it is at Kim Tracey Prince calm and she also is the LA chapter manager for help a mother out which is a grassroots effort to get diapers into the hands of moms who need them so I'm so glad you're here thank you it's going to be fun to chat today and then we have two leases in the house today I don't know how I'm going to keep you straight but we have Lisa art who also is a mom of a boy she is an actress has been acting and doing things for a long time it's been all kinds of things like Seinfeld and has hosted style network's clean house your list is really long oh my god all the things you've been on so it goes on for days you like I'm so important and her blog is called flawless mom calm which we know is sarcastic am or we all need to learn from you one of the chat second one okay all right and then my friend Lisa Raye page Rosenberg he's been in the TV business for a long time 16 years as a comedy writer director and producer and now she's a stay-at-home mom writer blogger and she her son is a hilarious preschooler named Bob who is friends with my son JP and she's been blogging for a few years now and talks to other mom bloggers at conferences her blog is smack c-calm will have all of those for you at the end so you can you can find them so today we're sort of functioning and I realized a few minutes ago that I guess I'm a mom bloggers too I'm a psychotherapist for kids and i right I wrote a book but I write a blog about parenting as well so we're all sort of we're going to be a panel of four today talking about parenting or whatever shaving our legs or whatever before we started today I heard some things off around the corner about boys grabbing mom's boobs and busted did you hear that yeah we all have voice so we're talking about I just I just asked because I hadn't really had this conversation before are you are your boys obsessed with your boobs at all and I we all kind of sheepishly said yes yes yes and I think what the point is all of our boys are obsessed with boobs again we happen to be the person in the house that has access it's all about the exact way so right now those are the ones that you can see I appreciate its line imprinting like they're the first booth right they ever got to see ya those are the best natural I oh oh yeah nice and squishy I don't think there's any such thing as a non-natural a yeah it though is it yes very natural my friend of mine says once she had kids she went from being a 36c to a 36 long I really like that yeah or maybe it turned into like a 42 young a little wider long I like that too so yes so we can be the best boobs for at least a while but you know here the other thing is when you're your boys are all like eight and under right okay so and I have eight and under but i also have one who's almost 12 and the whole boob thing takes on a whole new they're obsessed with boobs but in anyway so like he had friend he has friends to spend the night from time to time and i realized probably too late about a month ago like I don't think mrs. Bryson should be walking around in my normal like bedtime stuff right because there's like 12 year old boys did you wear a skimpy negligee OU every nun heels and like a little boa right no just I mean just like the tank you know the tank top right now whatever but so it's like I feel like I need to cover up the boobs a little earlier now that we're in a new I don't frequently think like when am I going to have to start yeah being a little more conservative yeah yeah I'm firmly in denial and I don't like to think about those things yeah it's far far away no no no what happened maybe sort of like you get old enough that you sort of feel like you know I'm just gonna be like the crazy old lady who's like whatever you just don't care and did you guys call all of us old I don't know crazy old ladies do baby talk exactly okay so we kind of got off-track on the boobs but so when we talk about so we're talking about blogging and it isn't it so isolating when you have kids especially when you first have a kid and you're totally knocked on your ass with just complete its rocks your world turns you upside down so talk about blogging like why you guys do it what do you talk when you're talking about finding your type what do you mean by that is let's start with you lisa r XR i think a lot of times in the blog world people talk about finding their tribe and meaning finding the people that you have the most in common with and there are so many different groups out there you know you can find the Christian home schooling if that's your thing or all I do is make felted toys and have kids or you know I can't be friends but there are but they're all cool yeah and you know and the coupon moms and the I didn't mean to say that like and the kind of mom she totally outed you and it's not even realize you're not keep my mama yeah you don't post about no freebies um but anyway so there are you know the funny ones and then I don't know there's there's so many ways to go with it that you will find your people and I was telling I was saying earlier that i read that there are four million mom blogs which Oh makes me feel super special and like I had a really new idea and I started blogging front but also that if I can't find a group of women that I relate to that have the same issues or the same interests that then I'm just not looking hard enough or we may have to have some diagnosis right something's wrong yeah but I have found like I've crossed over a few different groups and that there are ways to get like support and I look at a lot of these women that I've never even met before as real friends you know and I'm part of a secret blog that's not published out in the world but it's just for like there's six of us we're all over the country and we go there with like you know my mother-in-law not my mother-in-law yes your friend but or you know my kid is doing this and I don't know what to do or my neighbors having us and its really it's great and I've never met any of them actually my husband went to Atlanta for a for a business trip and had dinner with the family of whatever guess he was totally like yeah that'll be great and I haven't I haven't met them yet but there's such there's such a freedom there like I mean obviously on your blog that goes out to everybody you don't want their some personal things you sort of don't want to share short like especially things about family members right but also in like I I remember one day telling my husband like I can't believe the actual things that I have to teach my children that are not instinctual like I literally had to say the phrase fingers should not go in your butt like right and not do that and then don't especially don't touch other thing right you know those are things we actually but that wouldn't be something you'd necessarily although I just set it on live TV right it wouldn't be something that you would want but you that would be something you could share with your you didn't say which kids that's true that's true with how many which never be another like that's the benefit of having more than one right yes there's their little anonymity where that's true yeah yeah when we blogs there was only right about a kid I used on his friend all right so have you guys had the same kind of experience in terms of connecting with people i oh no you go um I definitely have and that's been really surprising I didn't expect that actually I didn't expect that aspect of it at all and the people who are regular commenters on my blog I feel a closeness to and an obligation to which I also didn't expect and some of them you know it's literally this whole twitter blog combination you do you know you find out something happen to someone who's just commented on your blog but you now know them through Twitter and your blog and you want to reach out and say hey I heard what happened I just want to make sure you're okay I'm thinking about you those are things I ever realized would come out of this I think I pictured it as more of a performer audience sort of situation and that's not the case you do really connect and then in terms of connecting with other bloggers that's been amazing and going to the blog her conference for the first time this last year and just meeting these unbelievable women and some men who you know have a real passion for being a parent and being a writer and it's it's it's been a really interesting experience that I didn't expect at all yeah I've been blogging so long I can't remember yeah you're one that liked her the very first bellflower talking to him effort like well i started in 2004 before like anybody knew what the word blog was or Sokka met anybody there was like a beautifully I did was but I because it was so new and there weren't as many people doing it I guess we all gravitated towards each other and I actually made friends on the blog and then in real life with another mom who lived across the country who had like a parallel life um she had a blog that was very similar smiley we're going through the same things at the same time and as opposed to in real life when here it's like one o'clock in the morning and you're weeping and you don't know what to do with your baby you can go online and like converse or write something that somebody will respond here like it's something you don't have to be alone because it's the middle of the night you can connect with somebody online and so we connected in that way and she's like one of my dearest friends and also cool so there's a real sense of community that develops now okay so what about so one thing like when i read leases at least ours smack see i always am so jealous that you're sort of documenting these amazing conversations with bob like you're it's just sort of like a memoir to his childhood and that's a huge benefit but what about the whole idea of the I mean what let's talk about the other benefits besides that what and good community what else what else do you guys love about it the money rolling it don't have the recognition name yes yes right oh my shorts yeah i actually have I have to stop at the bank I literally have bags points but like you talked about how it affects your parenting uh well yeah it absolutely affects my parenting what first of all for me I would say one of the benefits is having a creative outlet hmm um as the new me if that makes sense like in your new identity is my yeah I've always been a writer you know I've written a lot of sketch comedy and you know monologue type stuff but this I sort of didn't know what to do with that energy once I became apparent and for me finding that authentic place and writing from a place that really matters to me now where I'm at in my life yeah that's been incredibly fulfilling for me even if nobody reads it even if nobody responds just putting that out there feels good and and then yeah the support the support is incredible it really is and even if you do I will say when people comment even if it's just one person if there's an amazing feeling that comes with that knowing that you touch someone or made somebody laugh yeah across the country is a great feeling that that's really I think it's beneficial I made the joke about not being able to be friends with the felt making mom's but it's just because I would feel so vastly inferior to them so I'm wondering if that's the case like do you guys ever come across other people's blogs where you're like I'm a really crappy parent I does what interest is for yes and the other people's blogs that you read your like I'm vastly superior it's sort of like you gotta have if you're if you have some of those felt making feeds coming in are you gotta have some of the others I get pissed it's not gonna be like that are you like when I'm like I'll see somebody you know tweet something about the cupcakes I made for whatever and I'll get on and it's just like these beautiful cupcake Dixon I also made all of these capes for all my kids friends with their name on it okay I also made these paper bags dragons and I was like you don't well I don't have that kind of time because i'm actually parenting I thought I try to make myself feel better yeah I got angry that I'm not that person yeah the person with the perfectly organized towels you know they show you actors of the earlier like I just do a sniff test and if it doesn't smell moldy I use that one when I get wrapped up in that kind of feeling I like yeah I like to package it in a nice neat little like emotional package of that resources out there for me when I can make time for it yeah like i love your cupcake idea and maybe someday i'll use it so thank you for sharing and it makes me feel better superior you're much more able yeah she is she's definitely more only on camera oh I mean only like right now but I read Lisa's blog and I do like that I always have such Envy for exactly what you just said like yeah you're you know preserving in these moments with Bob and also I laugh out loud every time yeah every time yeah well all three of you are so funny I mean I got you I got you read all three and it's so it's so fun and I think that sort of sense of connection like this someone else is experiencing what I'm experiencing I'm not going crazy my kids not a sociopath and then just the comic relief yeah we're not doing anything assoc pots are funny they're getting it good in the crowd well that's the thing you have to be funny or you'll cry yeah and if I just watch for that too this one I am I don't think I could handle being the writer of that one yeah maybe a little more emotionally shut down to or like uh you know I feel like blogging makes me parent better because um the stories that I load it I know what we have some interesting my time so I yeah exactly well writing my blog for me started out as like a journal you know basically I wanted to preserve the memories of being pregnant and I also wanted to share that whole journey with my family back east because la they're all back in Connecticut and so it was accidental that other people started reading it because it was public and then it just sort of you know what downhill from there but I process stories from my life when I write them and I put them up for others to see like if you're just writing in a journal and nobody's going to see it it doesn't really matter what you're right but if other people are going to read it I kind of read those stories with other people's eyes you know and I see myself from the outside and it just it helps me like the next day or the next hour you know go back to whatever situation I'm dealing with and and handle it better so it makes you more intentional and have more insight into it you don't even need a therapist well we won't go there she'll do you blog cuz I know you you almost exclusively blog about Bob mm-hmm now what about has changed a little over the top return I also blog about Bob I I think I probably written about Bob but like my box sort of he does them like I'll go on a Jag where it's all family and kid and then I'll just go off and it's all about you know me or stuff that's going on yeah and I try not to edit that because I feel like that's all apart real thats part right yeah hmm well I don't only blog about parenting no in fact um before my mom blogs were called mom blogs my blog was just a blog and then suddenly they were labeled mommy blogs and least was saying earlier that you know that the term mommy blog is often associated with like the coupons and the free deals and the strollers and the onesies and stuff and that is a certain subset of mom blogs but mine was just about like the stories from my life and because I was a new parent it was all about my baby and the poop and the boogers and the crying and the you know and the swearing in front of him and try not to scar him for life and and then you know as my world opened up again and I experienced other things I do blog about other things I don't by myself and so now I kind of call it a personal blog but I say that it started out as a mom blog and it's evolved into a personal blog and its really chronicling your journey yeah you know I mean really about how would you talk about your world opening up that's probably really evident and you know like who I might try a recipe this week I might not have any materials by the handful out of the dry covered or whatever yes yeah it's really cool ok so now let's talk about um I just want to get your thoughts about some different situation ok ok you guys here we go alright so oh actually wait before we do I want to hear there's one more thing I wanted to ask weird something weird or funny story from blog oh you don't oh we're gonna check her yeah oh yes ok yeah I'm like it I have one um I have a hyperlocal blog in my it's called agoura hills moms they live in agoura hills a hyper hyper local it's like only about my little town ok ok um so I don't know if you meant like hyper I forever and keep on anyway I kind of kept it on the down-low because like around school because I didn't really want like all the parents and school people to read it and judge me but it's too late for that now because I wrote about like a certain snafued we have with the drop-off in the pickup line the traffic at the school everybody know they had that saw blah blah yeah yeah so I wrote about that and somebody shared it with the principal and so one day I was in a line waiting to pick up my child and the principal who holds the stop sign like waving to the light she's like knock knock knock knock did you write that blog and I was like yes she goes thank you oh it's so not like she waves at me every day I'm like hi and like now I'm like oh they're paying attention so I only write good thing yes Oh weapon at our school sure yes yes but that was probably the weirdest thing so far yeah you gotta be careful really yeah I wanted my hat my husband coaches you like every youth sport ever my all my sons stop and there's hilarious moments that have been with kids when you're coaching and even more hilarious things that happen with the parents in the stands like one time last season my husband had to stop a game the middle of the lily game to walk off the field and go tell a parent and Stan to stop yelling and talking and causing problems and also so I'm a bit and there's full of just funny stories and I'm like you need to write a blog that we live in this little town right and you can't disguise it enough and it's needed he said there is i mean there's that sort of thing of like you sharing too much and getting yourself in trouble yeah luckily like every time I was ever called to the principal's office I always thought I was in trouble but I never was and I never gotten over that clearly yeah you were totally triggered it'll be responding my mother-in-law avidly reads my blog which I love because I love her but it also cracks me up and there are times when I want to write something really personal that I know my readers will appreciate but I you know I don't show you want you gather a lot of know exactly yeah like a like you know if you had a particularly fun evening of lovemaking who happens to be with her son i'm gonna be like hey everybody you know when your weave did it and all of a sudden there's that magical moment and i can't really pick it it's kimchi right there's my mom yeah and i could just start it with mom do you not arrange right yeah i'm mature then she won right but I whole sub sit like a category on your blood mom don't read that right I'm actually pretty funny that's a good night but she also he takes my blog as a personal gift to her because she gets to hear stories about Garrett that she might not otherwise here right so I kind of I like that it's really nice to okay so what do you guys think about this you hire this happened to a friend of mine jayus for boys or two and a half ways or 189 can say she um she hired this male babysitter Manny right he's college-age lives in the community she knows his family he took her boys to soccer practice and would rough house with him like fun right cuz the female babysitter who was like 50 wasn't as fun right so she hired this guy thinking it would be really fun for her boy skied roughhouse with whatever so they get home and one of her voice has something in his pocket that he's clearly hiding and he's little so he's not very clandestine totally obvious guilty hiding she's like what you got what's going on there what you got in your pocket and he had some candy in his pocket she said where did you get that and he said hold the babysitter bought it for me and he told me not to tell you about it what do you think scary red flag not a big deal do you worry what do you think about that is it like pedophile grooming behavior or just like some like guys it's like oh okay I'll get you can't even don't tell your mom well at least it wasn't like a pack of smokes right or a condom or something right I have a problem with anybody telling my kid about anything don't tell your mom mm-hmm because I do think that sets up a bad precedent yeah and if he's willing to not tell me something that's that's bad because it could be much more important so yeah I'm not comfortable with that I don't think that's like grounds for firing especially he's just a college-age guy but yeah I would say have the conversation don't ever tell my kids not to tell me something you might i'm candi getting candy I'm not good I don't think that's a big deal right um or text me and ask if that's okay right but I'm not okay with you telling i could you have to tell me something and then what else well so it opens up that conversation with your child we have when somebody tells you not to tell me something is that okay to tell me yeah right you can tell me anything and I'm not gonna be mad yeah I probably will be mad but I'm not gonna tell the cops well I even go a step further with my kids like I even have said if someone tells you not to tell us that is not okay that is that that tells me that something's not update wait and you know we did a show which I really really it's one of the best shows I think we did on this on our show here it was um with guys what was her name anything on it uh it was was it Lisa yes how did Fitzgerald who is here in LA safely everafters her business and she actually educate she has a book and she actually like if the group of moms get a group of kids together she goes and talks to the kids about she doesn't do a good touch bad touch because that's confusing to get but she really empowers them like is that a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down so you already could have had that language in place but I think I totally agree with the like if you're telling any slug secrets do we keep secrets from our family now right in fact with gifts we even talk about it surprises you're waiting to tell it's not like don't you know this is a secret don't tell Dad what we got it for Christmas we use the phrase and maybe it's a little neurotic to do it this way but to say you know it's a surprise that we're gonna tell him but we're just waiting running to see guys so whatever you said it's kind of neurotic yeah what do you think Lisa yeah I'm with what you're saying that's like it's that's not cool pompton now Reggie yeah it's just it's a little kinky and weird and um my son asked me the other day he said you know I was just wondering do I have to do everything that other kids tell me to do I was like really we're not even of course not you don't have to do anything they tell you to do where it's good and how did that but I was glad that he brought it up but I was surprised that that was actually a question right you know and if you think that you have to do everything a kid tells you what about a grown-up oh then have a seat we're gonna have to have a talk daddy's gonna have to come home yeah you know that whole pot yeah definitely and just go over this again and again it's so excusing we tell our kids such conflicting messages right we tell them like do whatever your teacher says or do with the grown-ups say listen to follow the instruction whatever but then clearly if someone tells them to do something that's inappropriate want them to like say hell no it's almost a matter of teaching them how to follow their guy totally owe you if you don't feel right about something even if it is an adult who I told you is in charge of you right if you don't feel right about something you don't have to you have to listen to yourself but that is that's such a like a weird and be prepared to unleash the demon that comes from that because they'll be like well my guts telling me not to brush my teeth tonight right yeah writing it in a little yeah I'd be like okay remember what I said about listening feel good get in there yeah you were gonna say so he kept to go back to the limani yeah because I actually um I did a one of those online services we're looking for a babysitter yeah and I just put out a job posting saying I need a babysitter and I'm and responded to the job and I was like a boy yeah I don't know because it was so unusual to me so I put it out on Twitter would you hire a male babysitter that's all I said I got strong reactions on both sides like no way i would never hire elbows babysitter and then on the other side was like how dare you bring gender into the right right of employment like they were very like glow equality and so I still don't I never hired that guy but because he was a guy that her no no it just wasn't the right here you grew up with him and it was a brother-sister combo and she would babysit sometimes and he would babysit us more often than she interested yeah yeah he was um he always had friends come over to smoked a lot of mouse that's interested in returning they know now mother don't watch this right he was you know he was responsible yeah half and gadgets yeah gorgeous nice was fun yeah yes I don't know anybody else who had a I'm gonna have an older brother okay so there was another man that is it Sam wonder if we'd feel different if it was just girls in the house you know i mean i would i'm not yeah yeah I that would be weird yeah well people have I mean right like whether you're male or female doesn't necessarily predict whether you're going to be responsible or trustworthy right but but statistics totally so and I have sort of a little bit of the curse of knowledge thing so my degree is actually in social work I worked as a victim advocate to kids who were sexually abused i watch the perpetrators be interviewed I mean the alleged perpetrators be interviewed I watched all kinds of things going on and so I sorted like I know like ninety-eight percent of perpetrators are males so you know it doesn't determine whether or not you're responsible but it is a huge factor in terms of you know sexual abuse stuff so I'm a little I I admit I'm a little IV of a little weary in general not everyone like if I knew the family really well if I knew the kid really well I would it would be okay but I don't know all right you guys ready for the next one yes all right Spanky now we're not going to talk about whether or not people should or shouldn't spanked but the country is really split the statistics show half of parents believe in spanking and half parents think it's wrong but they're against it but the statistics I've seen the most recent one is really high that up to ninety percent of parents admit to having spanked their kid ages seven and under so i assume that means the forty percent who don't believe it and who do it do it in a moment of like total desperation rage which is actually like the worst way to do it right right but what about I mean like do you guys talk about that i mean is spanking a taboo do you talk to you hear other parents talking about it do people admit when they spank what do you guys think I the only place i've seen that conversation or heard that conversation is on twitter and i don't know if that's because there's like more of a removal from yeah your actual who you are on the internet even more than on a blog where do you have your personality out there but I've seen people talk about it there I I haven't talked about it I've never I've never had the conversation well now isn't that interesting about you came have talked about the friends yeah and I remember well i do remember this one specific dinner party where there was a couple they were talking about spanking and how they fully intended to spank their kids but they didn't have any kids yet right so I was like well now to give up but we haven't discussed it since then uh I have um I was lucky enough to have a mom's group that I joined when my son was an infant I think he was like six days old and I started going to this group you were like desperate to connect really drippy yeah right um and so we all like we all had babies at the same time and so we all involved our parenting skills at the same time is very that's cool and we shared a lot of that stuff and I and I we did have conversations some some people are adamantly against it and they never would do it but those are the kids are running the show I'm gonna in my observation yeah then um like I will tell you I have spanked my child like I'm okay with it I have my question when you say spanked is it a spur of the moment whap or that' you know when we grew up it was a you're getting space for that there was the waiting period and that can I talk myself out of this and all right on the dread and it was like the over-the-knee spanking right and then conversation about why exactly huh so where is it on the spectrum of spank you ask you can take me home yeah it really depends on how you define the context in which spanking takes us matters a lot absolutely well it's cut what we have like degrees of punishment right like so we do we have like this the threat of terrorism levels post it now like the older one knows how to read so yeah both wrong signs everywhere um so we do like the one two three you know at three is a timeout you go to timeout and then if you resist timeout you go to timeout upstairs if you go upstairs and you slam the door you start trashing your room then you get a spanking so like I get time for my like anger level go up well we have child's anger level right now but like the spanking kind of ends at all and um yeah like I try to stay away from the fits of Rage right violence cuz fits of rage whether you spank or not are damn damaging you know when we lose our minds and you know when I speak I always tell a story that ends and I won't tell the story now but it ends in me telling my three-year-old if you stick your tongue out one more time I'm gonna rip it out of your mouth so it's like you know threatening to remove a body part that's pretty damaging you know a little SWAT on the but probably would have been less damaging in that moment we're actually gonna have a show at some point on on the spank or not spank because parents typically don't talk mean you're in a really unique position that you had this group but typically it's so taboo and I think there's a lot of assumptions and a lot of judgment and you know people who are like well spanking is you know it traumatizes children but they never talk about the context or what we have we're defining these kinds of things and I think we have to have conversations where we're listening to each other and we understand the other side more and so will have this but is it taboo because like you feel like you're gonna get like you like you were afraid people are going to judge you or he talked about like how much you don't how much you want to share on your blog also like so this is all part of it but like it's okay for us to talk about our failings as and how like oh and such a bad mother because I did this and I forgot that and whatever but like if you go as far as something that could potentially harm your child harm your child like the judgment just comes down without any warning you know like you put something out there I've done this thing and people jump all over you and it that could happen in person or on the blog especially on the blogs and on Twitter and Facebook and all that like where there's a halo of anonymity right yeah from first of all just one say I enjoy a good spanking ah just for yourself wait that's okay okay yeah no no I Gary and I'm gonna knock on wood when I say this he's four-and-a-half and has never he's just like a he said he's never done anything that warrants a spanking ever and he's kind of kid were like if you just look at him he's like this is what I'm from a huge piece of this if you don't talk to him for a minute literally with the time out which has also only happened a few times the worst part of a time out for him is I say we're not talking I'm not looking at you and we're not having a conversation and it destroys him I mean it's so hard for me to do because he crumbles and so with him and that's how it was for me my parents seen that my brother got that crap spanked out of him but I never was spanked because all my parents had to do was say we're disappointed and I was like oh my world so he's the same kid yeah and um the the only time I've ever come close to anything like that is when he let go of my hand and started crossing the street right and I yanked him back and there was something such fury in my face and I was like don't ever do that and I must have been terrifying because he mail stop yeah and I thought and I wanted to hug him I thought no this this moment has to happen yeah he has to be scared shitless right now because I might be saving his life right so to me that's a whole other token it's got a punishment it's a you know it's a saving tactic or whatever yeah I think temperament like you were saying has a lot to do with it yeah um because every kid will have their currency yeah I hate whereas um like I tried everything for a while you know which I guess is not good either you're supposed to try something and stick with it but I don't know if I agree I agree with the fly by the seat of your pants well I tried someone had talked about like I read about like the naughty chair and I was like okay this is the naughty chair and he put you in the naughty chair it's just he just thought it was hilarious you need to set their laughing and I would like forget it no more naughty chair and who still brings it up remember the naughty chair whatever happened to that oh my oldest would walk over and hit me softly and then go sit in timeout he's a total introvert he loved timeout oh it was like quiet time where no one was fighting him you know so it is it totally depends okay timeout doesn't work and you know it does work now um threatening a timeout which I've never given one oh that's awesome my photos that's something that's supposed to be bad and I'll be like you know but I don't even do that anymore was more one whose yeah much younger and he'd be like how are you gonna give me a timeout do I have to have one I don't even know what he thinks that means really it's interesting hearing you to talk about these things that you have an only child each you and then we have the multiple children who feed off each other right there they're way better when they're apart like they're much more you know calm and listen to me and responsive but when they're together it's like this like the level of hysteria just ramps up you know that one person's misbehaving the other one goes along with it too and I'm like suddenly I'm screaming and like you know no one's listening to me and finally you know it's just it's just a minute that's why I stopped at one well I think it's funny I had this parenting expert um who doesn't she doesn't like a lot of the things that I right she and the first time she read something that that she didn't like it was about I said something about the use of consequences and she wrote me in just personally and said no I really am totally against consequences and I don't understand why someone like you would ever advocate for that can you explain and so I wrote it this nice long email saying you know everything's a call if you just look at your kid with a like disapproving look or if you have a conversation like we need to talk about this those are consequences and there are natural consequences like so depends on how you define you know if you're talking about like you know threatening to remove something or you know whatever those you know those are different kinds of consequences which i rarely use but but shouldn't she never wrote me back and so then she and then I I I also wrote a post about spanking a couple of weeks ago and I said that there were some studies that showed some of the studies work on for they had differing effects in terms of looking at spanking now most of the studies say that there are negatives mostly negative but and there aren't really any studies that say it's it's there are a few studies that say it's good but a lot of stays that say well we didn't really see any differences in their methodological problems all the stuff so I just did this like blanket broad brush like the studies you know have some different kinds of results and she didn't email me directly but she posted there's this new parenting this parenting expert who has this new popular book out and we have a lot of the same followers like people totally knew it was me I'm so aghast that she would write this and all this stuff so I just think it's really interesting when you're talking about like all these different forms and talking about your kids currencies because for some kids obviously I needed to purge that because I don't even yeah totally related I'd like to bring it back to make it relevant my hair for me thank you but but this idea of currency because you know people are like well I'm against consequences I don't even know any better everything has a consequence I what I mean if you tell your child like you know I didn't like that or that hurt someone's feelings you know something like that that is a calm right what else but it's there yeah there's also a consequence to them drawing a fantastic picture you're gonna say that's awesome like I don't understand i think the point was though like that they didn't believe in like punishment i think that's what they meant like in terms of power and I'm taking your leg goes away or I'm you know those kinds of thing and and I didn't raise a child without that you know I think it depends on the kit if you have a kid who we have some chiming in the back of it haha Morton we have them say what I think you know if you have a kid who who has the kind of temperament lot of times you just can have a conversation with them and that's all it needs to happen and get back well that's actually like that is now they think that that is what i do now where I'm like do we have to go and have a talk about this like no no I don't want to talk to you wait wait a minute yeah when did that become so bad you know I one thing that works really well with my older kids as I say um I want you to think for just a minute about what I will what I'm getting about to lecture you about mmm now do you want to give me the lecture do you want to hear it again and he'll be like no I think I got it I'm like you know just so I feel better what are my main points and then they have to say it without reading them for a future in yes for therapy one thing that I've noticed and I this might just be my own experience when I get upset because of the kind of sensitive kid Garrett is yeah he'll say what can I do to make you happy are you happy now which actually worries is that work yeah because I think yeah it's not your job to make me happy I'm a happy person in this moment I'm still happy right I'm just a little angry or disappointed and those can go together yeah exactly but it doesn't mean I'm not happy yeah doesn't mean I don't love you yeah and I don't want you to fall in love with some man or woman that you think yeah hey Kathy all the time either because it's like mommy I love that you just said that because that's where I go in my yeah I always go all the way yes I just want you to do a people pleaser and I think that your whole life is about carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders my worst parenting my mean I feel like when my kids are like um mom is there anything I can do to help you and they're like totally walking on eggshells and I'm like I feel so terrible in those moments cuz I feel like I must be so crazy they're acting like perfect angels who want to take care of me and those are the moments i hate because I mean yes to say okay that you have bad parenting moments is very comforting because you're watching expert and yeah you know I'm not world where I have and you actually have a blog post about how the times we screw up his parents are actually valuable moments so you might want to read that'll make you feel better it does because especially if we repair with our kids afterwards it models that but also I think one of the points that not a lot of people have thought about is the idea that if we were perfect in lovely all the time the world would destroy our children and if they have ruptures and future relationships which they will they won't have any tolerance for those kinds of ruptures so it's sort of like I feel like in those moments not that they're ideal but they're going to happen then my kids know that sometimes relationships get really messed up and they feel terrible in the moment and then they're okay again and maybe even your closer afterwards after you work through it right so I'm sort of expanding their window tolerance pkoi arrived Rossum yeah maybe I'm just rationalizing but I think that there are lots of values especially if we repair and use it as moments to prepare so I went through um not to beat this dead horse but I want to especially when Kyle was three my older son was three because it's like three was just it was like the crazy came out you know and it was just constant discipline and I went through a period where i was reading every book about discipline and i remember i wrote a blog post called your book doesn't work because everyone read like I tried that and it just didn't work and I finally like kind of came up with my own conglomeration yes discipline thoughts and came up with what works for me and that's like it's like that about every aspect of parenting yeah ever works for you is what works for you and it might not necessarily work for somebody else so enough with the judgment totally I can anybody who rigidly adheres to one parenting approach I think is in trouble you know whether your attachment parenting at one end of the spectrum or your baby wise parenting on the other end if you rigidly adhere just to that you're in trouble it has to be a total collection tool belt kind of thing that fits you and fits your kid and their temperament and and you know if something isn't working we I don't know why it seemed a nature we keep doing the same repetitive unproductive thing over and over so sort of like change it i love that you were like okay not a chair everybody that's not gonna work like the way I did hotties yeah honey it is it is you have to say it was an English accent I did you naughty chair but really it's not just making I think I think you're making a bigger point here that really any discipline kind of thing can be super controversial it can be really full of judgment and that is one thing that a lot of parents don't really talk about so there are back to bring it back around before we close out is to really talk about how you can find your own discipline shop you can find your you know your tribe for the people who are like-minded like you I would actually want to be exposing myself to people who are in different tribes so I can really challenge my own thinking and realize see things in different ways but the daddy I like 20 go ahead I was gonna say the beauty of blogging and because there's four million tribes right I mean four million blogs there's probably 40 million toys but you can make your own tribe because there's no more blogs joining in the fray every single day so if you haven't found your nation you know maybe yeah felted glasses that you give to your baby while wearing a pirate patch yeah you can just create that yeah and so make a group where there's no judgment and support yeah I love that what were you going to say Lisa I'm so sorry oh I like to follow a little bit of everybody you know the different kinds of blogs and sometimes it is just to feel better about myself that I have a nature table or whatever I but um but I feel like I can get something from everybody whether it's my lifestyle or not like the homeschooling moms to me are like how how do you do that like I I think it's amazing and I think I would suck at it so wobbly do your effing worksheet yeah just like I told you just let me do it you know like I was terrible at it and threes are backwards but there still are like some pretty amazing things and yeah I love to when people will do they like here's a day in the life of me which backfired when one of the paltrow did it um yeah as we can understand because I wasn't you know picking what I'm going to wear to the country music awards and skyping with you know I stopping by your fishmonger yes exactly a fishmonger thing but um but just to see like what other people's days are like to me is really valuable and because there are certain one of the things I feel like people don't talk a lot about in parenting that they do they will more I've found in blogging out is stultifying boredom of being a parent like it's supposed to be it's all beautiful and i love my kid and we're just you know melding and bonding all the time and doing all these great craft projects and but there's some really boring parts and people like I've noticed in person when I talk to other moms about it there were certain moms that won't go there right yeah to talk about that it's boring it's like so you can be boring and ingratitude at the same yes be bored and ingratitude at the same time I have a beautiful family and I love my kid and we do fun things but oh my God if I have to watch that episode of Ninjago when we're Tom and myself you know right and that's something that seems a little controversial yeah well there's there was so much of the kind of 11 everything's lovely and then there's sort of like a whole backlash to that of people who were just like parenting stocks and write whatever and then there's been backlash to that yeah so I love this sort of like even the mundanes you know just the day in the life stuff and I think you know right now a lot of like the go the to sleep book is really popular and the up all night show with Christina Applegate and will arnett I said it talks about like those in the trenches like up mundane things really resonate with us I think those are those are important moments too I think it's the having a sense of humor about the fact that we're all in the same boat yeah you're an idiot if you think anybody's life is perfect or nobody's having arguments or I know any of that and it's like I just said to them before we started that I was in the bathroom yesterday and my kid was all over me and would you lie love I love right and then and then he left the bathroom and then my husband came in and was kind of all over me which I love right but I said oh my god that's so weird i was almost alone for 10 seconds and i felt bad the second it came out of my mouth because how amazing is it that i have a husband let's be affecting your still wants to be affectionate but you do like you find yourself going as much as I love all of it and I do love this part of my life better than I've ever loved any of it yes sometimes I want to breathe by myself yeah or you know yeah or have you know i know i used to have lunch with my friends that happened in years yes of course there are things that i think you mourn and you miss and it doesn't mean you don't so much love yeah what you're experiencing yeah i did you wish you could stretch it out over more time is it so concentrated and then its parents it when you're ready you know take it out of that little box right oh I'm well rested and I have time for you to give me time on me because those are the moments we don't talk about either when you're exhausted yeah but you have to be present and I'm so hard it is so hard do you know the blog soul mama mm-hmm she she writes Amanda sole rights these lovely books that are about you know nature and your kids and she's definitely a quilting crochet felted baby clothes what up you know mom and and does gorgeous photographs and and but my favorite post of hers was when she showed what her kitchen looked like at the end of a usual day I love that you're so grateful for that yes it's like okay I like you now yeah now i can now we can be friends even though you don't know me and I'm like that you're my bro you know well it is how it like that's how I make friends in general you know like at the beginning of kindergarten for example we had moved to a new city it was a new school and was all these you know I was nervous about making friends I was about making friends my forget my kid he ye oh yeah but like the parents i'll stand around they've got these happy smiles on their faces but like the minute somebody cracks then i know i like that person ya know like then that they show the fatigue in the frustration yeah they make a snide comment i'm like oh yeah okay that authenticity that vulnerability it's good well i want to mention each of your blogs and i think do we have kims up first let's see okay oh that's Lisa a yeah flawless mom calm and they can find you there right is that the right yes URL okay to call of the mountain ice and then help a mother out is the can you talk about that for just earlier yeah help a mother out as a grassroots nonprofit organization that collects diapers for needy families um there's a lot diapers are not covered by public assistance so there are a lot of people who actually run out of them like before they get more money so can you imagine not having enough diapers for your baby I mean imagine a sanad I urea day and not how I favorites but yeah me so we all know about the diarrhea yeah yeah yeah yeah I actually ran out of diapers once like when I didn't have a car and I was at a park in van nuys and like I don't I kind of jerry-rigged some sort of white tape things in the grass Roger that was your life so we do diaper drives and we do fundraising online purchase diapers for homeless shelters miss out great awesome hey and then the next blog is your blog it came as well hi I'm actually a creator of Calvin and Hobbes so this is how some friends but the the URL is Kim Tracey Prince calm and you can follow all of these ladies on facebook and twitter as well and then the last blog is Maxie calm because family is funny and all three of these amazing writer women are funny and authentic and so I'd encourage you guys to check them out next week we have an author coming on Kristen mashka who wrote a book that is fantastic and it's about kind of reinventing ourselves it's called i'm getting the total i didn't sleep right so I got like mommy mommy brain it is called this is not what I thought it would be and it's about the first chapter is when the day the vomit hit the fan or when the bomb that hit the fan and she talks about being this like career mom and then she has this baby and all of a sudden she's like a 50s traditional housewife her identity completely crazy but her books amazing it's part memoir and part sort of help out self-help like if my values reflected or my life reflected with my values really were what would that look like she's amazing so she's going to come on next week and talk about identity as a parent and household division and power and all of that so I'm excited that she's going to be coming on I'm check us out at the lit TV where we'll have resources and the links to all of these ladies blogs as well as the nonprofit for diapers and thanks so much for joining us today