33 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother – Narcissistic parents are difficult, to say the least. But when we’re talking about narcissistic mothers and daughters and sons, who choose a golden child and a scapegoat child – the level of invalidation is insane. When it comes to your narcissistic mom, what are the signs you can look for? How can you know for sure?
In this video, I’ll explain how to spot a narcissist mom and explain the signs of a narcissistic mother.
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if you've dealt with a narcissistic mom chances are that one of two things happened either you were very controlled every single aspect of your childhood was controlled or you were ignored and you weren't allowed to exist in certain ways you weren't treated like a real person there could have been a combination of both of those things but in either case you were robbed of a healthy normal childhood and if that's the case for you then you know very often it leads to more struggles as an adult whatever we're talking about relationship issues or something else today a queen being calm we're talking about narcissistic mothers and how you can tell that you had one if you recognize your mother in this description or any of these descriptions today it might help you understand why you ended up with a narcissist and it might help you understand how you can change your life from here on out so let's get started closed captioning provided by athena moberg and c PTSD foundation org my name is Angie Atkins send it on this channel I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover understand and overcome narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships I like to call it toxic relationship rehab so if that sounds good to you hit that subscribe button and let's just get going when you were a kid you looked up to your parents for support for guidance nurturing encouragement love everything if you were denied those things you developed coping mechanisms you developed behaviors attitudes ideas basically you developed ways of survival in such a hard place to survive a difficult environment and then when you grow up you might have found yourself using those same coping techniques those same behaviors as a way to survive adulthood what happens though is that those things end up continuing into our adult lives and very often to our detriment let's talk about narcissistic mothers typically what you're gonna see with a narcissist is one of two things either a mother who's incredibly controlling or a mother who acts like you don't exist at all ignores you a lot kind of lets you do your own thing more often than she should a narcissistic mother might kind of live through you she might treat you as though you need to fulfill every dream that she had before she had you or she might try to be the center of your life the center of your attention at all times and of course the attention of everyone else around you she might see your independence as a threat she might think that you don't deserve to be separate from her and she might in fact not even see you as a real person outside of her there have been so many different studies done with narcissistic parenting in general and how it affects people who were raised by them the offspring of the narcissist as it were but it's really important to sort of make it clear what is narcissistic behavior and what is just being a parent I mean the fact is most parents are proud of their children most parents think their children are beautiful most parents want to kind of show off their kids that's normal that's relatively healthy most parents have a certain amount of expectations for their kids and most parents have to discipline their children sometimes especially if their child is behaving in a destructive manner none of those things by themselves mean that parent is a narcissist but I think one of the most telling signs of a narcissistic mother is that she denies her child individual self she denies her child the ability to not be an extension of herself she denies her child's selfhood independence she denies her child the right to be a real person and she has no empathy for the way that child feels in fact whether she states it out loud or not that child in her mind exists only as an extension of herself and only to serve her own selfish needs so before we talk about the specific signs that you're dealing with a narcissistic mother we're gonna talk about you a little bit let's talk about the signs that you may have had a narcissistic mother shall we one of the first things that I think is the easiest thing to discover is you might be a people pleaser someone who always wants everyone to love them always wants everyone to feel happy with them and be okay with them and someone who might bend over backward to make sure that someone else likes them or is okay with them or isn't angry at them I myself was a people pleaser for many years and I actually lost a lot of friends when I stopped acting that way but I'm okay with that because what it turns out is that most of those friends weren't really my friends to begin with you might deal with anxiety or depression I did you might deal with major trust issues you might feel empty inside you might feel like you don't deserve to be happy you might have a really hard time feeling emotions expressing emotions or even just the idea of them you might notice that you're in a codependent relationship with someone else as an adult you might notice that you don't have a really strong sense of who you are and maybe you're not even entirely sure what you want in life you might have a really hard time saying no and you might have a really hard time creating and enforcing your own personal boundaries you might always feel guilty or shameful about yourself you might kind of hate yourself self-loathing it's not good regardless of what signs you're showing chances are that all of these came from your narcissistic parent if your mother always wanted to present a perfect family image to people outside the house you might have had a narcissistic mother but the image outside the house was perfect the image behind closed doors was far less than perfect and in fact was probably very painful for you to deal with and grow up with your mother might have gone to great lengths to show everybody that she was such a great mom maybe she was your Girl Scout leader your Boy Scout leader or the band mom or the problem mom or whatever she was always doing stuff letting everybody know hey I'm a great mom but then behind closed doors she was secretly verbally emotionally and maybe even physically abusing you sound familiar maybe she could never be wrong maybe your mother was always right no matter what and even when she was wrong she found a way to twist everything around so that she was still right and she definitely never apologized for any mistake and of course if you confronted her about her mistakes or her behavior she would deny everything or turn everything around on you and make it your fault one of the biggest things with all narcissus is they never display empathy if your mother was never able to show that she cared how you felt never sympathized with you seemed only interested in her feelings and you could care less about yours you might be dealing with a narcissist another thing narcissistic mothers do is they project their own terrible behavior onto you if you were in the middle of a big fight a big argument and your mother would suddenly stop and scream at you you get out of here you're not allowed to scream at me how dare you speak to me that way go to your room we'll talk about it later well that's probably because you were winning the argument but that's a sign of a narcissist stick mother as well if your mother was ever criticized by you or anyone else in her life she probably did not react well if she was a narcissist if she screams at you if she smacks you if she sends you to your room or saying something about her that she doesn't like you might be dealing with a narcissist if your mother had a favorite child and she had a child she likes less and it was really clear and obvious there was a scapegoat there was a golden child there was a lost child whatever you might be dealing with a narcissist the toxic family structure is ugly and I'll make sure to share a link with you up here about that very thing toxic family structure if you ever had to parent your mother you had to comfort her you had to be there for her take care of her because she made you feel responsible for her feelings you might be dealing with in our Cystic mother if you were gaslighted and controlled by her if your mother used gas lighting which is a psychological manipulation tactic against you to make you feel crazy or doubt your sanity well she did this to control you this meant that you were always trying to sort of defend yourself or figure out what was happening in life you probably doubted your own reality in your own self and your own sense of what was really happening before your eyes gas lighting I've got lots of videos on that check it out so you spent your whole childhood feeling like you didn't really know what was going on doubting yourself doubting your beliefs doubting your feelings doubting your experiences this gave your mother the upper hand so she could more easily control you I've seen in a lot of survivors and the same thing happened to me mothers would take their children to the doctors and say this person's got this problem or that problem and doctors would put them on meds they didn't need to be on and guess what those meds made those children more controllable if you were constantly insulted by your parent directly or indirectly you might be dealing with a narcissist if they harassed you denied you things that you needed or berated and demeaned you on a constant basis you might be dealing with a narcissist mother in fact if you had a specific insecurities your narcissistic mother would exploit that against you for example if you were worried about your weight your narcissistic mother might put you on diet after diet after diet and ultimately leave you way uncomfortable with your body if you're a narcissistic mother feels like she's overweight she might literally harass you into also becoming overweight if you thought that you could not share your feelings with your mother because you knew that she would spit them back in your or use them against you or make fun of you or make it about themselves you might be dealing with the narcissus mother if anytime you face an issue as a child your mother would turn it all around and make it about her you might be dealing with a narcissist mother if your mother lied to you or manipulated you ever tried to control you all the time tried to make you think things that weren't true so that you would do things she wanted you to do might be a narcissist mother if your mother would take credit for anything you did that was good and if you want a trophy and a swim meet she would put the trophy in her bedroom on her trophy case you might have a narcissist mother or if someone else congratulate you on something good that you've done maybe you were the valedictorian in your high school class and your mother overhears someone saying oh my gosh you're so smart great job great job your mother might come over and butt into that conversation and go yep they totally get it from me I'm the smart one in the family always wanting to own your accomplishments if you ever felt like your mother was competing with you you might have a narcissist mother if your mother acted like that oh don't we look just like sisters you might have a narcissist mother if your mother acted like everything you did wasn't good enough and everything she did was great my never narcissus mother if your mother never respected your boundaries if she came into your room and turned it upside down and throw your stuff on the floor because she found I don't know your grandma's heart pill in the house and thought you were on drugs that happened to me you might have a narcissist mother if there was no private space in your home that you call your own and she would constantly bust in the door without knocking you might have a narcissist mother if your mother went through your room and everything that you've owned and found things to use against you all the time if your mother liked to get even with you you might have a narcissist mother if you did anything that was against their beliefs are wrong or in any way against them even in the tiniest way you would be severely punished might be a narcissist mother maybe she would break something you owned or cared about or she would deliberately sabotage your school dance or in some way do something to hurt you majorly in your life you might have a narcissist mother if your mother was conditional with her love and she only loved you when you acted like she wanted you to act and she only loved you when you did something that she thought was okay or that that was in line with how she believed life should be or you should be if you failed to get attention from her when you didn't do those things or she called you not good enough or something worse because you acted in a way that she didn't choose for you to act you might have a narcissist mother if you lived in fear of guilt trips and your whole life is based around the fact that you tried to do what your mother wanted you to do instead of what made her angry or upset you might have a narcissist mother if you were controlled through codependency or any other sort of don't leave me tactic you might have a narcissistic mother if your mother marginalized everything that you were everything you felt thought believed knew to be true about yourself and made you feel like you weren't really a real person or that you weren't as real as other people around you if your mother always acts like she's better than you and like everything you do isn't as good as her if she's grandiose next like she's superior if she just generally makes you feel like no matter what you say do think or feel everything she says thinks does or feels is better than you or more important than you if she's more concerned about what people outside the house think about her than what she thinks about what you think about her as a child you might have a narcissist mother there are so many other signs of a narcissist mother but this gives you kind of an overview if any of this rings true for you let me know this brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is do you think you had a narcissist mother and if so what are some other signs that you saw in your life share your thoughts your ideas and your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it as always thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey thanks for letting me be a part of yours it really does mean a lot to me now before I go make sure you check out the videos I'm leaving for you right here and right here as well as the ones in the cards above and while you're here hit that subscribe button right there so we can stay connected and continue on this healing journey together and don't forget you're never alone you've always got your span aliy I'll see you soon