Pregnant Dad: Giving Birth As A Transgender Man | Sex Map of Britain

Pregnant Dad: Giving Birth As A Transgender Man | Sex Map of Britain

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Dorian has been living as a trans man for 3 years. But now he wants a baby. Cameras follow Dorian to see if it will be as simple as he hopes to be a pregnant dad?

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I'm a transgender man currently under the care of a gender
identity clinic. Please refer to me as he, and him, and make an effort to use
gender-neutral terms regarding pregnancy and birth, ie,
pregnant people rather than pregnant women. I will be father to my child as will
my husband, Alex, so please do not refer to either of
us as a mother, or mum. This is extremely important for my
mental and emotional wellbeing. Like the weirdest pregnancy
announcement ever known to man. Gender of the day. Suck on this, Beyonce. All my memories of my
childhood are here. This is the best part of the woods,
because the majority of my time was spent here, basically with
my friends. The whole gender thing just wasn't
an issue then, because I wasn't trying to be
anything that I wasn't. I just had my short hair and my
boys' clothes, my boys' toys, my boy mates. It was only much later when people
started expecting me to actually be a girl that I was
like, hang on a minute. This is really… Not right. I'd never even like heard the
word transgender. I didn't really understand that that
was something I could think about. I had short spiky, like, punky hair desperately trying to find an
identity for myself that I felt comfortable in. I think my mum flourished as an
artist because she had this right next to her house. I know she used to come here with me
when I was little and sketch. And sometimes, if she'd find like a
dead butterfly or something, she'd take that home and she'd use
that to paint from real life which was really, really cool
because I used to help her. Dorian, come on, you. Right, we've got to do mother
and son stuff. OK, get some plates out
for me, sweetie. You can eat the olives, they're
good for you. Yippee. Healthy.
Healthy fats for you. That's Dorian in the woods next to
our little house in Cheshire. Looking for fairies, you see, which
he obviously found one. It was very confusing to start with. I wasn't sure if… Whether it was
to do with his sexuality or he just wants to dress up
as a boy. I realised it was serious though when he said he didn't actually like
his boobs. This was one of his phases, I would
say he was probably about 17 here. When he used to wear all these
wonderful corsets and he used to like to dress up with
different wigs and things like that as well. But he used to look totally amazing,
complete unique characters. You'd never know what he was going
to wear. I quite liked that, actually. I thought that was really exciting, but I didn't know it was a
conflict for him, because he was actually struggling
with his identity. This is probably the last painting I
did of Dorian, to be honest with you, as a female. I think Dorian is a little
uncomfortable with it, to be honest, which is a shame. But it is the last one, and it's of course at a time where
he's more sensitive, as he's older, I suppose. It's definitely fair to say that my
relationship with my mum's art is complicated. Particularly paintings of me that
she used me as a model when I was in my, like early
teens, are really quite difficult for me to see, because a lot of them
are very womanly, I suppose, is the only way to word it. They're
shapely, lots of curves and it's just uncomfortable to see
that and sort of be reminded that that's me. So I'm very
detached from it, really. I think I'm massive right now, but,
like, everyone is telling me that… I need to get a sock. Had to interrupt, didn't you? Could've knocked. I think you look fine. Fine is not really… I'm sort of proud of my bump, it's like, yay, you know there's a
baby, but I like, I'm really like… Just repulsed by my body
at the moment. So, yeah, that's why I've been
wearing like lots of baggy things. It's to try and kind of, like,
hide it for as long as possible. I don't like the effect it's having
on me physically in general, so… Yeah. Hello. Hi, how are you? I'm good, thank you. Good, nice to see you. OK. Great. I'm planning to have a home birth, so I know that all the people around
me are going to be very supportive. They're going to make sure they use
the right pronouns, and name and everything. So as long as I have a good support
system around me, I think I'll be able to
get through it without it being too
terrible for me. BABY'S HEARTBEAT So normal heart rate for baby is
between 110 to 160 beats a minute. And that heart rate's fine. So the other midwives will obviously
be aware of my situation, then? Aha. Because that's the whole reason
I want to have a home birth, is the idea of being in a hospital
and having strangers coming and going into the room who won't be
aware of it, would not be great for me. So… Yeah, and part of today's
appointment is an opportunity for us to, basically, put anything down on
paper in terms of, like, a birth plan for you guys and things
that you may or may not like. What would make you uncomfortable
and what would make you comfortable? Do you just mean people's lack of
awareness, is that what you mean? Yeah, people saying she and
her and… Right, got it, OK. In terms of gas and air. Yes. Do you carry the gas and air? We don't generally tend to offer you
a pain relief, because if you're going to offer
pain relief to a labouring woman they're going to take it.
So, it's a… And a labouring man. In this case.
A labouring man, sorry. It's OK. ..They're going to take it. You looked very dramatic by the way. You were just, like, lying there. I would have liked to go
through the transition process with Dorian. But that probably
wouldn't be great, because it would be like two men
going through puberty again. So it wouldn't, we wouldn't be
emotionally ready to… It's literally like going… Like you're 14. So your voice drops and you're kind
of emotional in a way I don't think we could both be
at one time. I didn't like my first puberty, so I don't know if I'm going to
like my second one. Where's its head? It's somewhere
there, it's always there. There? Yeah. We've always wanted children, like, basically, just after the
wedding both of us were just getting really broody. We were, like, I want a family, I
really want to have a family. So it kind of occurred to us that
one of us was going to have to bite the bullet and carry the baby. Having a family was super important
to me but, also, so is transitioning. There's not enough known really
about how hormone therapy affects someone's ability to have children. But also on top of that, I had
waited three years to get to the position where I was
able to start hormone therapy through the process. And I really didn't want to start
hormone therapy and then have to stop and start my
transition again to have a baby. He called me at work and told me he
was pregnant. And then I had to… He didn't even
say it was Dorian or anything, he was like, "It's happened." And I was like… I only took a pregnancy test because
we were going out for a meal with my family that night and I
wanted to know if it was all right for me to have a couple of glasses
of wine with my meal. It was positive and it was just
like, are you kidding me? Really, now? As the bump gets bigger and it's
more visibly obvious that I'm pregnant, going outside has
been difficult, really, because a lot of my dysphoria comes
from how other people are seeing me. It's bad enough that I obviously
have these feelings about my own body and a lot of the
time, but it's compounded by other people with the, "Hi, miss.
Hi, ma'am," you know… My mind is set with it. I'm quite content with it. It's just that I slip up now
and again. Oh, no, it's fine. You're going to
slip up, that's the thing. With she and you know, and her,
and it's… It's fine, though, the fact that
you… But you correct yourself. And a lot of people don't. Most people don't
correct themselves. Yeah, I do try. I do, I know I've gone wrong. No, I know. Because you do
immediately correct yourself. Yes, I do, don't I?
It's fantastic, really good. Yeah. Because you were so unhappy in
your life. That's why, you know how I was so
miserable for all those years. We worried about you, your
grandad and I. That's why. When I, like, came out,
I thought I'd have to choose. I thought I'm going to
have to decide whether I want to be who I actually
am, or have children, and, like, have a normal family,
which I also really wanted, so the fact that I met Alex and the
fact that we're doing this, it's great. I get to do both, so I
didn't have to choose in the end. No, dear. No, I'm looking
forward to it. It will be a doddle. The last week, it feels like I
suddenly got like a bowling ball in my stomach. It's horrible. You have to help me put my socks on,
it's so embarrassing. It's true, it's really embarrassing. I can't bend over to put
my socks on. I have that trouble every day. So when you've had your baby, you're going to go full ahead with
your hormone change. Yes, that's the plan,
that's the plan. February, March is when
I'm aiming for. Yes, good. So that'll be great. Yeah. Yeah. I'm pleased for you. My grandparents are actually
fantastic with my situation. When my grandmother first found out,
her reaction was, "Oh, no, it's fine. I understand
this completely, here's £100, "go buy yourself a suit." It says a lot to me that some people
don't try and simply, sort of, kind of refuse to try and understand
it, or wrap their head around it. Because if my 86-year-old blind
grandmother can get it, then, you know, what's your excuse? Like, I'm 100% sure it's a girl. But I'm going to look really stupid
if today they turn around and go, "Oh, you're having a boy." So baby is lying
across you today. Baby's heart beating away
beautifully there. Baby likes curling up. It's like a little hedgehog
at the moment. Final question then, boy or girl? Yeah. What do we reckon?
We've been betting girl. You're saying girl, let's have
a close look. Baby's got a hand there. There's
definitely a pokey outey bit there. So I think this is going to be a
little baby boy. Are you kidding me? I will be surprised if this is
anything other than a little baby boy. Wow…
OK? All right, then. I get asked by a lot of other
trans people, why are you saying your son, and why are you using, like, he/him
pronouns? Aren't going to let him, like,
figure it out for himself? And for me, working out my gender
was a really difficult, difficult process. Most of the world, their
gender matches how they were born. So to me, saying, like, completely
gender-neutral for my child, is kind of forcing him to go through the what is my
gender, kind of, mentality. Did you grab my gun? Yes, I
grabbed your gun, it's here. I hope the neighbours
don't hear that. Cosplay is fancy dress but you are
playing or representing a character from a book, or a movie,
or a TV series. I genuinely think it's fantastic because this is how
Dorian and I met. You don't usually get to wear a
beard walking down the street. You don't get to where the baggy
shirt, so you don't see your chest. You don't get to wear a cravat, so no one sees that your neck's a
bit delicate. You don't really get to do that, and
I feel very masculine when I cosplay as Grantaire, obviously, because
he has a beard. He wears clothes that I couldn't
wear and couldn't pull off unless I was pretending to
be someone else. It really is how I make myself feel
a bit better. This is so depressing.
There are worse things. They're normally so flattering. It's actually quite depressing. Because this is normally something
that makes me feel a bit attractive almost, because it's like, the
waistcoats and the cravats, and everything, it's a very
handsome look, but I can't really put off right
now, can I? I really hope I don't, like, induce
labour by squeezing into this. For me, in my
particular predicament, it's just a short period of time
where I don't have to worry so much about how I feel about myself, about
my appearance. It's kind of an escape in a way, and the reason that I like this
character so much, is because in the book he
is described, as having the appearance of a
17-year-old girl. So he's described as a very
feminine, long hair, quite pretty. And I think until I am able to start
hormone therapy and deal with how I feel
about my appearance, it's kind of weirdly
empowering to go, "Hey, this is a character who's very
distinctly male, "very distinctly masculine, "quite famous in a lot of classical
literature, sort of thing. "But looks like me, in that sense." So I think that's one of the reasons
why I'm really drawn to this character, is that it makes
me feel… ..better about looking the
way that I do. Don't tilt your hat like
that, come on. Hey, I'm American. It's very obvious, if I turn to the
side, that I'm about to have a baby. So, yeah. It's not fitting great. How do you feel? It was all horrendous. Everything I didn't want to happen
to me, happened to me. But, I am fine, and he's fine. He was worth it. He was worth it. It was horrible,
but he was worth it. Did not go the way I wanted it to
go at all. I wanted to have him at home, somewhere there would be less
medical stuff. Where it would be less
traumatising, where I would be relaxed, and safe,
and comfortable. It was going to be really, really
nice and then he, obviously, had other ideas. I had one midwife there who was
awesome with my, like, pronouns and everything. And would, like,
lift Julian up and go, "All right, time to go to Dad,"
and stuff like that. And passed him to me, so that was
really nice, that helped a lot. Do you want it…
Just over me. I know you're hungry, you've just
been complaining about it. Chestfeeding is actually going,
really, surprisingly well. I'll pop him on, and then cover up
with a scarf, like, if I were
outside or something. And just let him get on
with it, really, is how I'm dealing with it. I love it when you give
me your hand. It's very, very weird. It's like when I try and visualise
that part of my body, it's kind of fuzzy, almost. You know, it's just nothing. Now, there's actually a reason
for them to be there. So it does, sort of, take the
edge off a little bit. I've just read over the information
about registering the baby's birth in Somerset. The information you will need to
provide is not particularly applicable to me and Alex. It doesn't even mention what to do
if it's two men registering a baby, let alone, the transgender issue. So, yeah, there's nothing. I don't actually know what to put. It says information you'll need
about baby, father, and then mother. So, that's it. So, I don't really know what to put. Hi, tomorrow I will be registering
my son, Julian. Well, both Dorian and I are
transgender men. And we were, kind of, wondering
and confused about what we'd have to put on
the birth certificate. No, we haven't. It's a difficult
process, so… So he'd have to be mother because he
gave birth to the child, then I'd have to be
second female parent? Sorry, that's just… Really heartbreaking to both
Dorian and I. Bye-bye. CREW MEMBER: What did they say?
Give me a second. They didn't say anything I hadn't
expected them to. Whoever bears the child has to be
put down as mother. Dorian, when he finds out what will have to be on Julian's
birth certificate, will be just as devastated as I am.
Maybe even more so. So today I called the
Registry Office, because we both had questions about what we'd have to put on the
birth certificate in regards to us. Yeah. And we've got some
bad news, actually. Apparently, the person that bears
the child has to go down as mother. That's ridiculous. Great. And when we transition, they don't think we'll be able
to change it. Seriously? Unless the law changes. It better change, because that's
going to screw things up for him. It basically just makes me feel like
crap, because it's, like, I have to go down as something I'm
not on his birth certificate. Like, he's always going to know
me as his father. But his birth certificate, which is
going to be seen by official people and, like, members of the public,
essentially, in a sense, like, is going to be incorrect.
And that really pisses me off, to be quite honest. We're all about LGBT rights, except trans people you can't put
down your actual gender on your child's birth certificate. It's silly, so if they change the
Gender Recognition Act, they'd better change laws to
go with it. People will probably just assume
that I'm his mother, which is going to be difficult and
I'm just going to have to be brave, and actually correct people. But hopefully it won't be very long, because I'm hoping to be on hormone
therapy next year, and then that will change. I'm so unbelievably proud of myself
for going through with it and I pushed through and I made
myself push through because we wanted to have a family
and now I'm so, so glad that I did.

36 thoughts on “Pregnant Dad: Giving Birth As A Transgender Man | Sex Map of Britain

  1. I'm sure that they will change their appirance after giving birth. And yes this is confusing and complicated but that's not your business to care for it. They are clarifying as men so they are. Stop judging because no one cares about your opinion. That's their bodys, their lives, not yours.

  2. Tbh i respect the trans community but i just dont really understand it like i cant see how your gender effects your identity. I just think oh girls give birth and men fertilize eggs and shit like idk how you can feel a gender

  3. Well, I must say I have nothing against the trans community, much less the LGBTQ+ community, but is using the wrong pronoun really that deep? I mean, even I, a very sensitive girl with short hair that sometimes gets mistaken as a boy, don’t take it so seriously, it’s just a pronoun sister, there ain’t much more to it

  4. 11:44 they want to know the sex of their baby while still in utero

    Ok so hang on
    Supposedly sex is assigned at birth…but that's clearly false.
    And supposedly these two women are men…and that's also clearly false.
    Why is it wrong for someone to express that they see a lesbian couple having a baby boy? Why is that a hate crime?

  5. stepping away from the whole transgender thing, when the midwife was talking about how when you offer a woman in labour pain relief she is more likely going to take it and Dorian's boyfriend stepped in and corrected her, yeah to me that was just really rude. the midwife was giving an example as majority of women who are pregnant identify as women.

  6. Wow, “he” would rather care about if people mis gender him, home births for the first time our huge risks and all for the sake because “he” don’t want to be misgenderd. I think they have not got a clue at that they our doing and don’t get pregnant if your a a man or people will think your a women. I’m not against trans people but things like this really annoy me.

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