Have you ever felt judged by someone for a decision you’ve made while mothering? Have you ever judged a mom for doing something totally differently than you would? In today’s video, our first episode in our ‘Real Talk’ series, we are having an open discussion on mom shaming.
Is it real? Have you fallen victim or made someone else feel smaller in their journey through motherhood? Today we are talking about it ALL!
We are hopeful that this unfortunate habit can be corrected through open conversation and educating ourselves on all sides. We can and will do better. So, let’s talk. Let’s be kind. Let’s be helpful. Mom shaming needs to stop!
Thank you all so much for watching! We love you. You are doing an incredible job. 🖤
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I'm excited I'm ready to talk about this hey guys welcome back to our Channel today we are filming something that we're a little nervous but also excited to film something that's I think always been an issue but especially in today's world with social media mommy shaming I think every woman has been guilty of not necessarily shaming but not always agreeing with how other moms do things or I'm sure we've all been on the other side of it and have felt judged by other moms so it's kind of a sticky topic but we're excited to talk about it and just get real with each other and with you guys so what is mom shaming like what does that even mean you know because I feel like that could be several different interpretations of it but basically it's just judging and another mom for a choice she's making or a course of action she's taking with her child or even for her child's behavior or appearance or anything like that you know what I mean it's just judging another mom for how she's mothering ya and it's dangerous but don't do it I think when you just said mom shaming what popped in my head is there is no such thing as dad shaming and I've seen this so many times in my life where there is a cute little dad struggling so hard with their child trying to like wrestle them as they're changing their diaper trying to carry him out of a restaurant crying and everyone's reaction is that poor dad like he's boys Thank You Todd sure know how patient he is and I think we need to have the same reaction to moms because yes that pork you dad he's trying but so are the other cute poor moms right so I think they're crazy because it could be the exact same situation but a mom and it would be like can you believe how her child's acting yeah you know what I need yes so I think we need to first be aware of that situation because as much patience as we an understanding that we give to dads or other people and other parent roles we need to give to moms that are trying just as hard definitely that's so true because I remember when there were times and Ryan would get up with India and the night can I do like the next day be like oh I'm so sorry you had to get up with her I don't think we'd play a part in yeah you know we definitely hold ourselves to that standard of I am the mother in this in this situation so I need oh no try harder even mommy more well and I think just most importantly we want like what we want to emphasize with our channel especially with the three of us being so different is that every mom so I'm gonna do everything the same as you do and that's okay like there's more than one right way to do things so we need to stop judging each other and all of us me included we need to stop judging each other well lots of huge reason whatever we want this to do this is we're not perfect all three of us are guilty at some point mom Jimmy especially before you are a mom and after like why would I do that if I was a mom well you don't know yet nothing and now when you are a mom and every child is different yeah having five kids every single one of her kids is different every situation is different still that's a huge reason why we wanted to bring this topic out I think first a few things that we have judged mom's on I think you had a good example this morning about socks yes I remember before I had a baby I would see moms with little babies and they wouldn't have socks on and I remember so many times thinking I have with that parent wouldn't put socks on their baby like like what are they doing I want to be like it takes two seconds and then all of a sudden you have a baby and it's different to month you have a winter baby you have a summer baby yeah like birdies every winter our babies are at the age where they're taking their socks off oh baby was about it or she'll suck on her toes and all of a sudden her socks are soaking wet and it does more damage to keep the socks I'd like to just take the socks off but yeah I was so guilty of it and then once I had her and she was it may maybe she was a summer baby and I remember she was like two months old and we ratted get together and I didn't have socks on her it was one of those days that socks just did not happen and I remember someone calling me out to my face like oh where her socks do you have socks and I said no I don't and they looked at me and I don't ever forget that look than either side oh my gosh Saizo judged what I felt judged but even worse than that I was like I've judged people for this and like if I ever voiced it like to think that I would have made someone feel how I thought in that moment was so by ioi opening like oh my gosh like I need to work on myself first and foremost and yeah well and that's the thing I think we have to remember as mothers we're doing the best that we can for our kids at the time and granted I know there are exceptions to that because I know there are some times when maybe moms do need to be called out or it needs to be brought to someone's attention of something they're doing that just isn't safe but for the most part I would say all moms are doing their best you know trying their best and you don't know every circumstance of their day or just the hour that you're seeing my man or anything and so I think we just need to give moms the benefit of the doubt and know like they're doing the best they can to for their child and just cheer them on instead of making them feel worse and judging them no yeah well and just remember like your best is not their best and their best out on your best like everyone's best is different exactly and I think every kid like we have said a million times is different how one kid reacts to the situation is totally different than how another kid would react I remember before I had kids I hated being in grocery stores and every around every corner there was a screaming kid I felt so bad for those kids like okay those kids were probably tired that mom needs to get them home because it's late but then you know we find ourselves like on vacation or something and it's an 11 o'clock at night and we have to run to Walmart and get something and Leo is that kid crying because he's so tired and it's just our situation we just got into town or you just never know what situation someone's in and there's a million kids out that late having to tag along with their parents for certain reasons they aren't crying and they're just fine but that's because every kid reacts differently yeah and I would just say as far as like sticking with every kid is different every kid every one of my own kids are there and like I had been born so close to the same age they are raised by the same two parents and I just remember it like McKinley and she is my first girl but she a couple times has tried to like hit me in the face when I've told her no and I just remember being like that's how you like the boys never would have tried that to me and at first I was like mad because I was like what if she thinks she's doing like that is okay and it's not okay and I did correct her behavior and tell her that it wasn't okay but I was just like well she's different you know she has a different personality she's different person and maybe that was just like her initial reaction to something so I just have to teach her you like it a more appropriate way to respond to things yeah so I don't know it's just because I remember seeing like they've said before I was a mom seeing a kid hit their mom in the face and just thinking that can't believe they would let their kid act that way you know what I mean and so you maintain judgments before you've ever been in their situation and even if have been mom you still haven't been in there exact same situation you know what I mean exactly it's crazy I think something else like to go along with all this is social media it's social media is so amazing and it connects millions of people throw the document your life and we love it we love social media obviously we love talking to you guys we loved hearing about your life's but social media it can be so just like anything else it has polar opposite it can be so be grading and you can have a bad day where you scroll through Instagram and you see these moms doing things and you're like a lot of times for me personally I'm like oh like there's such a great mom and I am sitting here and I'm not the Mafia so a lot of times it's almost mom shaming yourself too you can find yourself feeling guilty because because you're comparing your worst with their best their best that they're choosing to put out there for everyone yeah and you're comparing here behind the scenes yes but which can be so dangerous on so many levels yeah and I think and I think it depends on your mindset as well because I've been in that situation where I'm sitting there so exhausted and trying to just survive that day and then seeing these amazing moms do things and it motivates me to get up and get going and sometimes depending on your mindset you can feel ashamed and guilty totally so I think you just really need to understand yourself and if you're in a mindset where you're having a bad day and you feel like that's not gonna be motivating that's actually gonna make you feel overwhelmed or guilty or ashamed of yourself just have a social media fast that day you don't get on it don't do that to yourself because it is their best as you're feeling not your best so just take that time and just put that time into yourself yeah and I don't know well as you're talking about kind of cuz we get we sit down and we talk about what are things that moms want to hear what are things that we can talked about as sisters that will help like all moms and as we started talking about this subject where you're a little weary like oh like this is a really tough situation but there were things that have happened to us in the last ten months of me and she'll be having our babies over the last seven years that have happened that we were kind of like you know we want to share these because we been mom shaked in and it's hard it's so hard not fun ever and we want to share these experiences not to hurt anyone's feelings it just to say like we can't mom shamed all the time like we are not perfect but especially some of the things you do get mom shame for it's like hold up okay well we should not be watching for them well yeah and it and it's difficult because like for me personally like we do daily vlogs every single day so I film my life with my kids every single day and we have for almost two years now that's gonna bring some mom shaming because of course there's a like thousands of different mom that's why are you doing that like it's like we all mother differently we all live differently we all sleep differently you know like everyone does everything's so different and just because I'm doing something different than you it doesn't mean that I'm doing it wrong or that it's dangerous or anything like that so just like the other day I got called out on baby Cohen in my kitchen sink which I have always done with all five of my kids ever since I've become I guess what that allowed her to watch her four of their kids run around and play shouldn't leave them alone her baby was back and cleaned so I don't know it just works for you so yeah why why do we need or fill the need the need a something something yeah I mean definitely I know and like I said I know there are situations where it's like that kid is riding in the car with a busy fella you know like I should say something yeah but there are instances where it's like even if you feel the need to say something unless some like direct immediate danger like maybe just hold off on saying it because I don't know what I think – with your vlogs it's literally a segment of your life where an experience that I've had personally about being mom shamed is my family and I we are in Hawaii on vacation and Leo how old was he like three four months no he wasn't he was six months just kidding he was six months old and I was so concerned about his gentle perfect little skin I had him doused in sunscreen that entire trip I think like every 20 minutes I was like reapplying it and it was really good sunscreen so just maybe a previous concern about that and I had a little Sun Hat on him he had a little swim like shirt on it was long-sleeve so I was just very aware and we were gonna tell that night at the pool it was Suns the Sun was going down and there was a live band and I was just kind of dancing around with him and his had cat kept flying off and it was super windy and ice like the sun's going down he has so much sunscreen on I'm just gonna take this off for like five minutes took his hat off put in the bag I'm literally like laughing with my child dancing having like the best little moment with him as my husband's documenting this and there's these two women behind me which they are a lot older than me so they haven't had kids in a long time so I'm not sure if they're not aware that their sunscreen approved for babies nowadays or what the situation was but I'm sitting there in this moment and I fill people watching and staring at me so I look back and they're both shaking their heads talking about me pointing at me talking about how Leo's arm is bright red and it was actually pretty red from where he was like leaning against my body and it hurt me so bad because they took me from enjoying one of the sweetest little moments of my little baby on this amazing vacation – just feeling so bad like we feel like worthless yes and then I looked at my husband and he was kind of confused so I was like no like I'm not gonna not enjoy this moment so I totally turned around and something I was very nice about it but I said he has plenty of sunscreen on I'm a great mother and he's just fine but thank you anyway and they got up and left and I didn't mean to offend them but I get offended but again they saw this much of our life in our vacation they didn't see me all day of playing sunscreen that just be careful because if you see a little kid with the red mark on their arm it's probably not a sunburn it's probably from sleeping on their arm ruling against their mom yeah even if it is a sunburn accidents happen you know what I mean like and I'm sure that mom what it mean for your child to get sunburned yeah yeah so it's just one little moment that they saw that they just judge so quickly and I think we're also guilty of that yeah I don't know guys it's a slippery slope and I guess just the take away is like try like try not to judge other moms and especially when you feel yourself doing it maybe just check yourself like wait I don't know the full situation I don't know the full story you know what I mean and does it affect you direct and this it affects me like why does my opinion of their life better you seeing if it does not affect you as long as they are happy let them be happy like who what gives you the right to make their special moment not special anymore like and maybe that's harsh to say but like we're not above the rest you know like we're all here doing the same thing trying to figure it out together so I just don't think any one person has that right and I think along with that don't give anyone that right don't give anyone that power to take those moments away from you or to make you feel any less of a mom than you are just know who you are and don't even care about criticism because I know we all get it and whether it's said straight to our face we're trying to be said behind her back moms are shaved all the time and we're doing the best we can well I'm super hesitant a big one is I I take pride in my daughter I since for crying out loud I played with baby doll sighs 14 years old like all I ever wanted to be was in my life was a mom that's all I ever wanted and when I got pregnant and I brought this beautiful loving baby girl into the world I take pride in her like she is my pride and joy right now and I I take pride in getting her ready I love to be a girl mom like I've stated so many times before I love to do her hair I love to put her in cute clothes and moms like this could be mom shaved too but I can't wait till she starts airing makeup you know like it's been fun I've painted her toenails and she was shall be painted on when she was like a week old like I just she's a girl so I do I started my daughter's hair is so thick like you guys have seen she has so much hair and it gets in her face cuz it's it's it's a great stage where you don't want to cut it because you want it to grow but it's not long enough so I I do I've been starting to do simple little hairstyles on marriage and darling and they're so fun and they're so cute and it's fun for me to learn how to do her hair and to see her going from the first time you doing it to struggling and now she just sits there and it's a bonding moment in the mornings like we get to share that like 10 minutes together sitting there uninterrupted of me getting her ready and I have been mom shamed for pulling her hair up it well she's so little in your you know like are you gonna ruin her hair by pulling it up and I am very cautious I like that a lot I had forgotten it for lots of people lots of people and it's just crazy to me because I'm like I this I don't mean the stuff but I feel like I take pride in it and I get her cute and it's almost like why are you complaining that I'm like take my hair like I was telling him what you're talking about this earlier on the flipside if she didn't do her hair and I was just hanging in her eyes you know there would be those people who like Matt he doesn't even yeah do her daughter's hair or pull it out of her eyes so it's like you can't win either way the funny thing too is people like they said you see such a small portion of our lives there are seven days in a week maybe three of those days her hair is up there are many days in the week where it is down in her face but the priests and I another huge reason I pull it out of her face is it's imperfect and I want it out of her face especially okay Halling I got so bats and that one's hard for me to share because the deer people have said things and I love them and I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but it's like I take pride in her and she is so special to me and she like she's all I've ever wanted and so it's hard when I feel like I'm doing a good thing for her to feel like people are looking at me judging judging me for taking care of my baby and that's the thing took end of the day you're her mom yeah and of course as moms and especially young moms we want all the advice and help that we can get but when it's things like that it's just you're her mom you make that a call if you want her hair done do her hair well if you think the Fertile I remember times and she was two months old and I dipped her a little binky and syrup and I remember so many people just staring at me like oh my gosh guess that I wanted a binky baby call me crazy and I she would not and I tried and tried and she loves her binky mail and it makes me so happy so but like we said I'm her mom and if I had truly felt like it was going to harm my child I promise you I would not do anything to hurt my child I think a story another time that I was mom shame that actually affected you well I guess it was I guess about both of us Wow both Kensi and I we had to do blood thinner injections during our pregnancies I had to him with Cleo and she had to do him with Cohen both were completely different races completely different reasons and it is saved my my little boys like those injections and it saved Kenzie's life and her little boys injections I mean her little boy and her and I remember talking to a group of women and they're actually related to us I think is which is kind of the hardest part and I mean sitting there explaining the situation like no Kenzie has to do it because of this reason and my reason was sis just trying to explain to them and one of them piped up and said I have no idea what's wrong with your generation but I have never heard of this and this is such a problem so many moms your age are having to do these injections you must be doing something you must be doing something wrong and first of all that's like I was just like wait what because I think I don't know host you know this but I travel those secondary infertility and I think one of the worst things you can say to mom because she's already thinking is what are you doing wrong so to say onto her face I think is probably the worst thing you can say so right there I was like what and then second I I knew that had to be addressed because that's just not okay to think that our generation will and let them go more I'm thinking that and then talk to other people about well and then I could tell that it was starting to turn this your discussion like oh yeah that never happened and so no one when we were young having kids no one had to do that I know that's so weird so me being the type personality I have I said well you know I'm really sorry that your generation couldn't solve the problem that my generation could solve because of these injections it has done a lot for all of these women and all of these babies in my generation so many women in your generation and babies probably died because of those not having those never have babies yes because they didn't have that knowledge so I think instead of shaming us for having to do this I think we should praise how far the medical industry has come and that they've been able to address this issue and yes it and the injections suck but it's simple fix simple thing and I promise at the end of the day if we both had a choice to do it we wouldn't do it if it wasn't for the greater good so I think we have it we didn't have to we would have no stabbing herself in the stomach's I think the fact that we were shaped for something that we were doing for someone else very selfishly selflessly selflessly yes sorry I just it was crazy to me and that's that so it was sad and isn't that crazy that the mindset is not I wonder if these would have helped psyche generation instead of what are you doing on why are you happy like you're the problem yeah like and that just goes right back to shaming and judging people like I feel like it's a very negative place in your mind like in order to judge or shame someone you have to be thinking negatively you have to be thinking what are they doing wrong no that is not okay whereas if you are in a positive place mentally you think oh my gosh you know maybe I should ask her if she needs help or if I'm so sorry you have to give yourself a shot oh dude I'm so sorry you have to go through that that it probably is not enjoyable you know what I mean it's just it's crazy and like we've talked about this before us as sisters many many times we talk about this a lot actually because it is just in our daily life with social media how you can tell how someone is in their mental frame like I don't even know how to put this you could tell someone's happy like mental happiness based on how they react or comment you know yeah and so there are there have been times when we have gotten incredibly rude comments made to us where we say I feel so bad for that person yeah you know because in order for them to make that comment to me they must really be struggling in their life and we it's taken us a while to get there because at first our initial reaction was screw you you know what and I think you lose our liquor coming from people that are closest to you yeah yeah but I feel like it's taken us a long time and having these open conversations of like we don't need to judge people that weird now when we get hate we're able to say I feel bad for that person like I hope whatever is making them be so negative is solved soon so that they can be more happy and positive you know I don't know and I think that's a good point if you do find yourself judging or silently mom shaming like why are you unhappy like what happened in your data yes make you feel like you have to judge so harshly and I feel like there's days where we're all in bad moods or you know have a bad attitude that maybe we just not everyone has Betty's then just remove yourself in that situation if you feel like you're gonna judge someone or say something just you know reevaluate yourself and what's happening to you say something nice don't say anything at all like confirm Jeanette we were we were taught that in the preschool you know it's the topic that we could honestly talk about for hours and we have so many different experiences we could share but I feel like just the main takeaway is work on it you know it's not judging someone isn't gonna be like a habit that you fix overnight but work on it because I feel like I have gotten significantly better at judging other people I got only that but how I receive judgment has gotten significantly better well and like we said like when we get those hard comments we think oh like what's going on in their life if you're feeling like you're judging people maybe try to figure out like oh my goodness like am i unhappy why am i unhappy like what can I do to be more positive yeah more positive like I've always said you got to love yourself in like do what's best for you before you can help someone and do what's best for them so I think I love that mom shaming is becoming such I talked about subject because it is a problem and there's so many quotes and things online that are so amazing that we'd love to share but we don't have time for but I think one of my favorite things that I've seen someone post is if you see a mom in a situation where you would do it differently ask if you can help them ask that poor mom in the grocery store with six crying kids like do you need help instead of sitting there judging her or being annoyed maybe just ask for help before you offer a judgement because maybe she needs it well you have it could literally be the worst day of your life she could have just saw a news that someone she loves dearly only has a little bit longer to live you know what I mean like you just you never know what's going on behind the scenes so just always be kind seriously like if there's one thing that would just make our world a better place is just everyone would always choose to be kind but I want to preach this forever so I think that's it we could really go on and on and share stories and examples and why this shouldn't be a problem but I think that's it if you guys just want to comment below I think we're gonna challenge you guys to this week try really really hard to just help any struggling mom or even if she's not struggling offer her compliment so let's do that this week and if you do have any experiences or stories that you'd like sharpless please comment below and like this video thanks so much guys bye I think we need to get to the point let's not make this long-winded [Applause] [Applause] [Applause]