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hi everyone welcome back to my channel so today I thought o talk to you all about anxiety and how I'm getting on and a little bit about my story I mentioned on my social media quite a lot about my anxiety in day to day life and so many of you are going through it and just want to know a little bit more and it's perfect because this month's topic with channel mum is anxiety and on the 29th of October this year they are launching a new anxiety course so it's really importantly head over there when it's launched to find out some more information they have a lovely psychologist called Emma Kenny who is absolutely amazing and I've actually done some work to do with this anxiety course so yeah I probably will be featured on that and a little bit more about what is going on and about their new course and McKenney is just absolutely amazing I was lucky enough to be able to speak to her and she's just so understanding herself has gone through anxiety as well so she's very experienced and yeah she just made me feel so much at ease so I will leave all the links down below head over to the forum page as well I'll leave a link down below so you can ask any of your mental health questions to Emma and I'm sure there'll be lots of lots of help over there so yeah I'll leave all links down below because it's really important for us mums to kind of stick together and know that we are not alone in this kind of journey and it has affected not just me but it's affected a thousands of people out there and every day I get comments and messages saying that I have helped them or they're going through the same thing as well so yeah it's really important that we do stick together okay so I've got my cup of tea because this is probably going to be quite a long video and if you are not kind of interested in mental health or anxiety then you may want to switch off and but I know a lot of you guys were asking for this and and you might find it helpful and I know that there's other people out there with so so much more problems than me and are experiencing mental health issues a lot worse than me but I thought I'd share my story and kind of like how I deal with it and how it affects me and yeah so I hope you found it helpful okay so I think what triggered my anxiety was definitely becoming a mum and when I was pregnant with Ellie I didn't have it actually that bad because my pregnancy was quite straightforward and it was smooth so I didn't experience any anxiety with that obviously I was scared about birth and c-sections and that's pretty normal and but it wasn't until Ellie was actually born and that I started getting the symptoms of anxiety and it was pretty bad actually to the point where I didn't need the house I'd only leave the house if I was with my mom or Paul or someone I knew I liked the littlest things mighty diagnosis Philip the littlest things I would worry about and I think it's kind of normal with a first-time mom but I'd be constantly checking on Ellie to see if she was breathing and when she would get ill I would be constantly like worried about her and yeah it came to the point where I wouldn't it's so silly but I wouldn't leave the house on my own I wouldn't even go to the shops down the road back it was actually really bad to the point where it was taken over my life and it was quite serious and and my family didn't really know about my anxiety until Ellie was at least 1 or maybe 2 years old and they fought it was just my hormones and adjusting to motherhood and things like that but and I did feel very very lonely and being a first-time mom and the second time around with Harry it has got extremely worse there's kind of like good bits and bad bits so I kind of adventure out on my own now with Harry and Ellie and whereas before I wouldn't even go out on my own so it's kind of improve with that sense but it's made me mentally worse think my anxiety actually caused me to have postnatal depression and I get really emotional about this because I hid it quiet quite a lot and it wasn't until my mum and Paul kind of noticed it and I was like no like I love my baby I haven't got postnatal depression like I'm bonding really well with hurry like what why are they saying this and all these things were going through my head but in reality I did have postnatal depression and I never went to the doctors because it wasn't until I'd say four months ago that I realized that I had it and I thought you only get postnatal depression with newborn babies but you can actually get it until they're like a year old so yeah it was with hurry it was really really hard and I cried every single day and looking back I feel like I didn't enjoy my experience with Harry at being a baby and I get really upset about that because he might be my last baby and it doesn't mean that I don't love him of course I love him to death like he is my little baby boy and I couldn't be happier having two children and two healthy children but what was going on in my brain just caused me to kind of have a breakdown and I can't really emotional about it because I didn't want it to go this way and I'm disappointed in myself even though I shouldn't be because it's pretty normal and a lot of mums do get postnatal depression and but it was quite serious to the point where I was begging poor and not to go to work and I was you know in my pajamas all day I wouldn't want to wake up the full of faith in my day and looking after the children just kind of made me sad and so yeah it was really bad I was you know bringing my mom up in tears saying I can't do this how long is this gonna go on for you know I don't feel myself I'm really upset and it was really really hard time a lot the times I would go quiet on YouTube and social media and that's because I was literally like like this made it clear I was a mess I couldn't pull myself to give up and I felt bad on my children I felt like I let them down and you know they needed a mom and I wasn't strong enough and I know I just have this guilt like this dreaded guilt of not doing enough with Ellie and not playing enough of hurry because I look back and obviously because I had Ellie she was my first I done a lot more with her and because I had a lot more time but this this time around I'm so busy and rushed and everything everything just feels very rushed and I feel very suffocated or that all the time but yeah I I look back and I feel like I didn't enjoy her II as a baby and I was like wishing his life away and it upsets me so so much because I didn't want it to be that way and when he was a newborn I didn't have any of these feelings it's really weird because you'd think at the naval and stage you have the baby blues and it all starts from there but I was absolutely fine in the newborn stage and he was like a dream obviously because he slept loads and I was in this little newborn bubble but then it got to when he was about three or four months old and it it just completely shut me down and I think I think it was a bit of everything the sleepless nights not having that time to myself that you used to have I couldn't get my head around that and I just felt very suffocated and you know being a mom is so hard it's one of the hardest jobs ever and I hate to moan about it and I try not to moan about it too much on Instagram and stuff but sometimes I feel like just letting it out and saying what's on my mind does help me so whether that's too poor or my mom or to you guys it really helps me and the feedback I get is just incredible and I think it does pull us amongst together and realize you know we're not perfect we have our bad days and it's completely normal so with my anxiety I had post never depression as well and I think with my mom now in and pull knowing they kind of understood a little bit and kind of just looked out for me a little bit more and kind of made sure I was okay I'm kind of a perfectionist as well which doesn't help because if I don't get things done it will piss me off so I will have quite bad mood swings and I would get emotional and yeah I would make to-do list every day every single day and if I could get things done it would really bother me whereas other people you know there could be okay I'll do it tomorrow but me I wouldn't sleep because I've like I need to do this I need to do that and my brain just wouldn't switch off and so obviously I wasn't sleeping I wasn't in the best health and I just I felt quite depressed at times and so I think with everything combined together I was mentally exhausted I was lonely I was sad I was depressed and to the point where I didn't want to see anyone as well I'm you know I wouldn't want to go out with my friends and I wouldn't want to go I don't know I wouldn't to the point where I wouldn't even want to do the school runs because I would look at other moms in black they're so normal and they seem like they've got this together and there's me an hour before the school run put my face on because I spent the whole day crying and in my pajamas and wouldn't get dressed and that's how I felt and yeah it it was a really and I mean how is nearly a year old he'll be year old next month and I do think it's getting a little bit easier because people know and I've kind of told people how I feel I do go to the doctors and I didn't find my doctor in particular very helpful he she just said that I needed to go on a waiting list and the way to miss was six months and I thought I need help i need help now and I'm not waiting six months for someone to give me advice I need advice now I need help now or I need medication not on any medication but I do think that doing a few tips and tricks which I'm going to share with you do help me and I think speaking to Emma Kenny which is the psychologist of channel mom really helped me I had an actual Skype call with her because we're doing this whole anxiety course and she was just amazing that she listened to me she knew exactly what I was on about and I said to her like I feel like a crazy woman because majority of the time I do feel like a crazy woman because anxiety does make me go a little bit insane and you know it does affect me in a day to day life it causes arguments it affects the family and um I was to the point where I was having breakdowns and I was going to make myself ill so I do think about helping talking about it really really helps and I do think if you do need medication or advice or therapy anything like that go and talk to your GP mine in particular wasn't very helpful and I have got an appointment next week to go back because I am going to fight this and I feel like I need the help and the help is there so I will get help hopefully but yet having family around you that understands really helps us after speaking to Emma Kenny she actually said that I have severe anxiety she was said that I coped with anxiety but I'm coping – well to the point where I have köppen so well that I will actually hit rock bottom or have a breakdown and it's so true because I'm one of these people that don't like to talk about my problems or I don't like to give other people my problems because I feel like everyone has problems so why do they need to listen to me sort of thing and but I do think that it's gone on for so many years and enough is enough sort of thing and I do need medication I feel like I do need that medication to just kind of pick me up and just get me through the days because I have two children and they depend on me and if I'm not happy they're not happy and it it really does upset me hurry is nearly one years old and looking back it was just a really really awful time and it's it's not him it's not him as a baby it's me it's my mental health I suppose and because I haven't done anything about it it caused me to feel like this and yeah I just wanted to share my story because I feel like if it helps at least one person up there or one mum out there then it will make me feel so much better and getting your comments and messages every single day saying that you experienced it and you have the same symptoms and my videos helped maybe that makes me feel so much better if you are experiencing any of these symptoms such as I will go through my symptoms actually okay so the number one symptom is tide nurse I don't switch off at night I find it really hard to actually get to sleep and then obviously in the morning I'm so tired and you know I used to kind of not blame Harry but I used to say you know he doesn't sleep all night and you know I'm not functioning because of the sleepless nights and he still does wake up he wakes up once a night but we're kind of used to that it's kind of normal to us but on top of that I have where I can't switch off so a tip with that is I do find it easier to lay in bed and just write down everything that is on my mind whether that's to a to-do list or my feelings or anything like that I write it down because if I don't it will be in my mind and I won't be able to switch off also I've noticed if I'm on my phone and late at night or towards the end of the night I find it quite hard to sleep because of my phone and I do flick through social media and I do see you know mums that have got their together and they seem really happy and Instagram is very a fake and and I know I do Instagram and it's my job but I do try and put the good and the bad on my Instagram and I think I should put more of their kind of bad on there because it's reality and it's real life and but sometimes I think no don't start mine in you know because I don't people knowing that I haven't got my together and I'm feeling this way and I don't want to moan but I do think that it helps us moms to realize that we have good and bad days and they're all not all rainbows and Sun shines and really you're crying in and just wanting a bit of me time and things like that so yeah I think Instagram can be a little bit fake and and I think it doesn't help when you are feeling so down seeing things on Instagram and it does make you feel a bit like you know I'm not normal and I'm I'm not coping so yeah that's my little tips about sleeping another symptom that affects me not on a day-to-day basis but quite a lot and it actually makes me ill but yeah I get physically sick from anxiety to the point where I'm throwing up or getting upset again I've been to the doctors about this and they don't seem to be helping me whereas I've heard a lot of people that do go to their doctors and they're on sort of some sort of medication from it or help so I ever need to switch my doctors because they are completely useless and I have I do I have found found him useless for years but I've just never got around to changing my doctors but I do think that something could do you need to do and so yeah I get physically sick I get an upset stomach and and it kind of prevents me doing things that I would like to do for example work events I get amazing opportunities to go to incredible events and like workshops and all things to do review tube and I turn them down because I get very anxious about new things and changes and meeting new people I literally will not sleep the night before because of how anxious I get and if I do go to things such as I went to a beaches events a couple of weeks ago was it yeah it was a couple of weeks ago and I would get very anxious about meeting people but I push myself I try and push myself to go to things but it will affect me so on the train there I started feeling sick and I started feeling a bit lightheaded because I knew that the anxiety was coming and yeah it affects me and it really does upset me because I think why can't it be normal you know I look at Paul and he's quite confident and he's very good at meeting new people when going places whereas I'm not like that I go into my little shell and I just want to hide away in the toilet somewhere so yeah I get physically sick I get an upset stomach it prevents me doing a lot of things and travelling is pretty bad and it's one of my passions I absolutely love travelling I do think that once I'm at the place of traveling and say a holiday or a break away I feel so much more relaxed with my anxiety I don't know what it is but being traveling with my family just makes me at ease I feel so relaxed I feel like I can be myself I can enjoy myself and I think everyone feels like that when they were on a holiday you know you can relax and things like that but it really does help me but the travel inside is quite bad and not so much car journeys I used to get really travel sick which doesn't have a feel sick as well so it's that on top of the anxiety doesn't help because I'm constantly thinking I'm gonna get sick so yeah being on a plane really makes me bad and it's not actually the feel of flying it's just generally thoughts going through my head so one what would I do if any or Harry has meltdown everyone's gonna look at me everyone's staring at me and just things like that what if they get ill the littlest things I worry about but it goes into like a bigger thing for me and so yeah I'm quite bad with the whole plane journeys but once I'm actually at the destination I'm absolutely fine and I'm quiet I'm actually quite relaxed and you might actually ask what I might actually anxious about but it could be anything it could be the smallest thing from me being in town and someone looking at me and I might think they're thinking I'm a young mom because I look quite young so all these thoughts would be going through my head why are they staring at me do they think I'm young mum like you know and they're probably not they're probably not they're probably not even judging me they're probably not even thinking that but that is how I think and it is kind of an illness and it takes over you it takes over your brain it takes over your life so that's Elisabet about my anxiety there's a lot more to it I could go on and on and on about you know how it affects me and things like that I'm actually thinking of doing that I kind of anxiety q-and-a maybe will pull because I think it would be interesting too from poolside at the story to see what he sees from me because it's not all you know people say argue and Paul you're so good to give are any kind of bounce off each other and yeah we are but there's times where my anxiety gets in a way and it can cause problems between us and you know not problems as in like we're you know spittin up or anything but he can get quite upset about it and he doesn't like me seeing it and he's sitting he's witness to me having panic attacks and things like that so yeah let me know if you'd like to see a anxiety Q&A because I haven't really thought this video through and I felt like if I just switched my camera on you know I haven't thought of things I wanted to say it's just natural letting it all out telling you my story and what I go through on a day-to-day basis and I hope it helps anyone out there but like I said check out channel mums and xiety course on at the 29th and also I'll leave alder and also I'll leave all the links down below to anything to do with anxiety with channel one because they are so helpful and Emma Kenny especially like if you've got any questions you just want to read a little bit more about here to see if you have any of these symptoms I hope this helped anyone out there even like one person to feel like it's not your shoe that is experiencing these problems and you are not alone and yeah thank you for watching and I'll see you all soon bye

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