If Going To The Gynecologist Were Honest

If Going To The Gynecologist Were Honest

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“I shaved my entire vagina for this.”

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(whip smacking)
(creaking) (knocking) – Hi. The doctor will be in with you shortly. Um, well it could be five minutes, it could be 20 minutes,
I'm really just guessing. – Well thank you for moving me
from that larger waiting room into this smaller one. And for putting me in this thin, sheet-like,
piece of material. – I'm done making small talk right now, so the doctor will be in
whenever she feels like it. – Okay I'll be sitting here thinking about every single
person I've slept with that I regret. (knocking) – Hi! Giving the courtesy knock so
I don't walk in on you naked. Even though I'm about
to look at your vagina. – And I'm pretending to look natural even though my bare ass is
touching the table below me. Now I'm thinking about
how many other peoples' butts have touched this table. – Let's make small talk. How have you been? – Obviously not wonderful or else I wouldn't be sitting here sweating through this robe. But in the interest of
following social cues, I'll say good. – Excellent. So, tell me why you're here. – I have something down there that could be an ingrown
hair, or it could be an STI, so I'm really anxious for you
to look at my vagina today. – Gotcha. Have you been having a
lot of unprotected sex? – I wouldn't say a lot. But I'm not perfect and the public school sex education system completely failed me. – I'm trying to comfort you
in a non-judgmental way. Let's take a look and see what's going on. – Perfect I shaved my
entire vagina for this. – (sighs) Oh well you weren't kidding. – Yep, I've prepared for this appointment more than I do for most first dates. – I'm going to ask you
about your mother now because she's also my patient and I'm realizing your
vaginas are very similar. – She's great, and I'm super uncomfortable
talking about my mother with my legs wide open. – I'm going to put this
freezing cold speculum inside you now and crank open your vagina. It's going to be really uncomfortable. – Okay I'm going to look at the ceiling so I don't make eye contact
with you while you're inside me. Uh, you're right, that is very cold. – Well everything looks normal
right now which is great, because you don't sound
super sexually responsible. – I am really afraid I'm
going to queef right now. – And good news! It's just an ingrown hair. But I'm going to do a full
check while I'm down here because I know you avoid
the gynecologist office. – (sighs) Great. I really didn't want to
tell my sexual partner that I had an STD. I mean we haven't even
defined the relationship yet and I still wake up early in
the morning to brush my teeth. – That sounds unhealthy. – Most of my relationships are. – So now I'm going to stick
my hand inside your body and feel your ovaries. – Ooh, this is exactly what I imagine getting probed by an alien feels like. – Well we're all set. – It was awkward and
uncomfortable to see you. Thanks for looking at my vagina. – No problem, have a
great rest of your day. And try to pretend I didn't
just spend the last 15 minutes digging around inside of your body. – I won't be able to do that, bye. (mariachi music) (whip smacking)

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